Learning it hard way!

left waving Goodbye..

Thu, 24 Nov 2022 12:00:00 +0000

A ship set sail on a new sea, with a destination unknown. Carrying on it, a cargo dear to me. Across the river and into a world that might not be. Gone away, never to come back. To find his peace with that world, having given it up on this.

And I was left on this shore. left behind. left alone, waving goodbye. left waving goodbye…

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un

I've been lucky

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 18:00:00 +0000

Remembered this quasi-philosophical and starkly honest self-appraisal by Norm Macdonald, standup comedian and SNL host. Read it for stunning clarity about life and fame and luck and what comes after.

THE FINAL CHAPTER

There is the way things are and then the way the things appear, and it is the way things appear, even when false, that is often the truest. If I am remmembered, it will always be by the four years I spent at Saturday Night Live and, maybe even more than that, by the events surrounding my departure from that show. As long as SNL exists, then so do I.

When people come to see me do stand-up, it is because somewhere in their memory I live on SNL, dressed as a young Burt Reynolds, insisting Alex Trebek refer me as Turd Ferguson. And they come to see me and I am oldand fat and I don’t mention SNL and I do my answering-machine joke and they are happily disappointed. After the show, they stand beside ,e and take pictures, the way you would would with a donkey at the side of a road. They tell me they are big fans and they don’t care what their girlfriends says. They understand me even though they know good and well that nobody else does, I’m dry, they say. The next time I come to their town, they don’t show up.

It can be difficult to define yourself by something that happened so long ago and is gone forever. It’s like a fellow at the end of the bar telling no one in particular about the silver medal he won in high school track, the one he still wears around his neck.

The only thing an old man can tell a young man is that it goes fast, real fast, and if you're not careful it's too late. Of course, the young man will never understand this truth.

But looking back now, I can see that my life since SNL has been a full sprint, trying with all my might to outrun the wolves of irrelevancy snapping at my heels. It has been in vain, of course. They caught and devoured me years ago. But not completely. Lorne would see to that.

My foot would still make a vague imprint; my self would still cast a faint shadow. And years later, I would write a book. And not only write it but be in it as well.

I think a lot of people feel sorry for you if you were on SNL and emerged from the show anything less than a superstar. They assume you must be bitter. But it is impossible for me to be bitter.

I’ve been lucky.

If I had to sum up my whole life, I guess those are the words I would choose, all right.

…

And as for my gambling, it’s true I lost it all a few times. But that’s becaue eI always took the long shot and it never came in. But I still have some time before I cross that river. And if you’re at thetable and you’re rolling them bones, then there’s no money in playing it safe. You have to take all your chips and put them on double six and watch as every eye goes to you abd then to those red dice doing their wild dance and freezing time before finding the cruel green felt.

I’ve been lucky.

Noam Macdonald

Yours Guru Dutt

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 18:00:00 +0000

22nd Oct 1952

Dearest Geeta,

I have been missing you since the afternoon. As long as you are near me I am happy though I quarrel with you each and every minute. I very nearly want to ring you up, but then I was doubtful if I could get you on phone or not. I hope the plane journey was pleasant enough. I am having a bad spell of lose. I won’t be able to shoot till the 26th as my set is not ready. I don’t know what is happening everything i do. I feel I am going to be no where after this picture is over.

If I try to forget all this business worry, I can’t but thunk that Lally’s marriage date is approaching soon and I haven’t yet been able to arrange anything.

Whenever you with me all these worries I forget in quarreling with you. I think you have become sick of me and you just tolerate me because you have to marry me. I am very sorry if I disappoint you but I am full of weakness. I hope you will always pardon me. I know you are very good. I love you for it. Perhaps I don’t deserve such a good girl like you. I think you derserve someone much better than me. Why did you encourage me? But, I need you, more than than you need me! And you know that. As I write this I am looking at your photo on table. I love you in that particular snap, what more shall i write. I am avoiding … and I believe I won’t till you are here. But you must pardon me for my weakness I am trying to change. But, after all I am weak …

Let me close here with all my love to you my sweet darling, With Kisses.

Yours Guru Dutt

This letter is part of letters Guru Dutt wrote to Geeta Roy (Later Mrs. Dutt) and was written when they were engaged to be married. Guru was one of Hindi cinema's finest film-makers. His letters underlines the moodiness and self-doubt that Guru always carried inside him and also reflected in his movies.

Raat ke humsafar

Thu, 28 Nov 2019 12:00:00 +0000

I love, love, love this song. It is perfect, enticingly romantic. what better way to celebrate a love than to walk hand in hand with your lover around the city of love, under the light of the stars and a benevolent moon. And still can be interpreted as very mundane life. The smouldering look that a man gives gives to his wife when she steps down from last bus and then they walk back to their home hand in hand while wife recounts her day at work.

Such a romantic, intoxicating night, and two happy people.

Picturised in Paris, with Shammi Kapoor. And Sharmila Tagore. Mohammed Rafi singing for Shammi in just that way that was uniquely Shammi. Asha Bhosle at her sensuous best. And What more can one ask for?

Raat ne pyar ke jaam bhar kar diye
Aankhon aankhon se jo maine tumne piye
Hosh toh ab talaq jaake laute nahin
Aur kya laa rahi hai subha pyaar ki

Raat ke humsafar thak ke ghar ko chale

hue mar ke ham jo

Fri, 15 Feb 2019 12:00:00 +0000

hue mar ke ham jo rusvā hue kyuuñ na ġharq-e-dariyā
na kabhī janāza uThtā na kahīñ mazār hotā

disgraced, as I was after my death, why didn't I drown in a river or sea?
neither, there would have been a funeral, nor tomb erected for me.

Ghalib cryptically says he was disgraced in death, why did he not drown in a river instead? In that case, there would have been no funeral nor any grave built for me someplace. The point being that having no funeral would avoid all kind of indiscreet and unflattering talk that would happen in the ceremony and no grave means that there will no place which will remind people of his ignominy. His passing away would be blotted out from people's mind and that would save him uncomplimentary talk.

Today is the 150th death anniversary of one of the titans of poetry, Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib!

Jagjit Singh’s rendition of ghazal ‘Ye na thi hamari qismet’

Pyar kiya to darna kya

Wed, 13 Feb 2019 12:00:00 +0000

Pyar kiya to darna kya? embodies the spirit of bravery and defiance in love. What could be better song to write about on Valentine’s day. Mood in this song is very different from the hame kaash tumse mohabbat no hoti. The time for regrets is in past. We are in the endgame. Emperor has demanded she renounce her love. Her beloved accused her of betrayal. Her rival is celebrating her downfall. And Anarkali? She has staked her all in one last throw of dice – a public avowal of her love, and a call of defiance – a song that became the anthem for doomed love forever. The blazing glances, the swirls, the presenting the dagger to the Emperor… defiance has never been so beautiful!

Chhup naa sakega ishq hamara, Charo taraf hain unka nazara
Parda nahin jab koi khuda se, Bando se pardaa karnaa kyaa

Happy Birthday Madhubala!

Tadbeer se bigdi huyi

Sun, 15 Apr 2018 12:00:00 +0000

I have been writing posts about songs for different moods on this blog. One recurring theme in Bollywood songs is philosophical. Some of them are close to me at personal level as a guiding light how i (or should) live my life. Many of them were introduced to me by my father just like other numerous life lessons he handed to me.

Warning: this list is going to be a string of song tributes to Sahir Ludhyanvi, the fatalist poet of modern India and Dev Anand saab just like my other lists :D

For someone whose life is string of failures with dotted success at the right moments just by sheer luck, this one is special song. The deep meaning Sahir convey is if your life is not turning out as you planned don’t despair and lose hope, throw the caution in air a bit and take a gambit. It is up to you to do what you will with your life.. This song was so typical of Dev saab’s philosophy in real life. Ever the gambler, he continued to make films one after the other till he died, irrespective of their fate at the box office.

tadbeer se bigdi huyi taqdeer banaa le,taqdeer banaa le
apne pe bharosaa hai to ye daanv lagaa le, lagaa le daanv lagaa le

What if cautiously led out plans are not going as thought, create your own fate
if you have faith in yourself, take a gamble on yourself.

kyaa khaakh wo jeenaa hai jo apne hi liye ho, apne hi liye ho
khud mitke kisi aur ko mitne se bachaa le, mitne se bachaa le

this life is not worth living if you lived it just for yourself.
learn to help others and make sacrifices to save your loved ones.

toote huye patwaar hain kashti ke to ham kyaa aaa,
haari huyi baahon ko hi patwaar banaa le, patwaar banaa le
apne pe bharosaa hai to ye daanv lagaa le, lagaa le daanv lagaa le

What if the boat is rudderless with the broken paddles,
row the boat through your defeated arms,
if you have faith in yourself, take a gamble on yourself.

Geeta Dutt singing for Geeta Bali

Yes, I am being judgemental

Sat, 03 Feb 2018 12:00:00 +0000

This is regenerated from my old blog post entry.

So apparently, I am being judgmental and ill-informed. After all a vast majority thinks otherwise. Well, here are facts:

Contrary to popular belief, the CBI did NOT EVER investigate the riots in their entirety. Don’t take my word. Look it up. In the best bakery case, 100+ people ganged up and killed 14 people (3 of who were hindus). all of the 21 accused were set free by the Gujarat fast track court. SET FREE. The supreme court ordered a retrial outside Gujarat. And accused the government of judicial failures. Which the government admitted as well! In subsequent trial, people went to jail. And yet there is a clean chit to the govt!
The ONLY investigation RIGHT after the riots was the shah-nanavati commission in 2003. Which declared the state govt innocent in a couple of months, WITHOUT HEARING ANY testimony from anyone.
It did nothing till about 2008 when Shah part of the commission went to hell. After him, Akshay Mehta was appointed to this commission. The same guy who bailed out Babu Bajrangi (exemplary citizen). Till date, the commission after 20 extensions has NOT finished. It need not ever. I think if it does, they will ask Narendra bhai to be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. And an unconditional apology from the 2000+ who died, for ever been born in his hallowed state. In writing.
The ONLY OTHER investigation was ordered for by the Supreme Court IN - wait for it - 2008. 6 years after. For investigation into, again, 9 specific cases. ONLY 6 of which are closed. 3 are still pending. There have been several complaints on deaf ears on evidence ignored by the SIT. But despite over a decade of delayed (& denied) justice, the honorable supreme court had to rush the “clean chit” to Modi, just before the elections. For all the irreparable loss from the riots, thousands of families were destroyed, living/dead for ever. All we have is a clean-chit on our hands. If this doesn’t make your organs churn, well, good for you. Achhe din aane waale hain.
Haren Pandya: Home minister in Modi’s OWN government. Murdered in 2003. Not 1 person goes to jail, all accused set free. He had opposed parading Godhra dead bodies in Ahmedabad. May have had a change of heart after riots. Well such hearts need to stop beating. Too bad for him. Could have been the Home minister of India now.
Sanjiv Bhatt: IIT grad, IPS. He has provided evidence incriminating Modi. to the commission/courts/president of india. He is suspended (for neglecting duty - wow, when has a govt officer had that), arrested, out on bail. His family is under threat. But our PM has a clean chit.
Fake encounters. Several. Sohrabuddin, Ishrat Jahan.. The DIG, Vanzara is in jail. since 2007. There is concrete evidence that Amit Shah, home minister made 331 calls to Vanzara around the occurrences of these fake encounters. Heck, Amit Shah also went to jail for the sohrabuddin case. He is out on bail. CBI appealed for his bail cancelation, saying he could interfere with investigations. The nice judge, ordered Amit Shah to not enter Gujarat. As if one can only influence that way. And sure enough, now, the CBI has given a, you guessed it right, a clean chit to Amit Shah. and btw, the DIG in jail recently resigned, saying he was just following orders, if not abundantly clear. If you are confused, this is the same Amit Shah, considered Modi’s right hand man. Credited with winning UP for modi. among other less charitable things.
It takes a special degree of ass-holery to parade the dead bodies from Godhra in Ahmedabad, make CDs of them and distribute, and after over 2000 families have been irreparably destroyed, several thousands in relief camps, systematic targeting of muslim owned businesses, GO ON A FRIGGING “gaurav yaatra”. What human does that? Nothing close happened in any riot ever, 1984 included. Where he exhorts all across Gujarat how he & Gujaratis are being victimized!!! And then the icing on the shit - forced elections prematurely. Within 4 months of the riots. While over a 100,000 of his frigging Gujarati bhais and bhens (BUT, muslims) were hurting, real bad. And several institutions pleaded with him to not do so. This is premium rare platinum grade ass-holery. The only unit in stock bought by India.
He hasn’t once vocally expressed regret for at least - the lives lost. The closest he got was when he equated this to how one would feel when their cars crushed dogs. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE? SERIOUSLY, No one better than this bag of shit for PM? I really don’t care for the snoop-gate. For all I care, Narendra bhai may continue to spread his love among his bhens. It is just that people don’t seem to question the atrocious logic offered by the father in his request to stop investigation into snoopgate. Which btw, would still be criminal. Govt cannot just snoop on people., for whatever logic.

So, well, I don’t give a shit to the clean chit to modi. Sorry - I actually do. They are cheap at walmart, and come in rolls.

Batman in Justice League

Sun, 31 Dec 2017 12:00:00 +0000

Batman is by far my favorite super hero. He has got principles (the Rich Shashi ‘uff tumhare yeh ussol, tumhare yeh adarsh’ Kapoor of Deewar) and moral dilemma. He is super rich billionire and still vulnerable. He has a emotional depth and grounded abilities that makes him the hero i can relate to. To top that he has the best rogue gallery in be it anarchist like Joker, Bane, Ra’s al Ghul or Mob Bosses like Falcone, Carmine or Two-face, Penguin, Riddler. In short, IMHO He is the rich street-level detective who has main strength in mental deduction and moral principles.

But its getting tough for him to thrive in a world full of aliens or meta-humans who descends from the sky and create havoc in Gotham City. I have a feeling that this will continue to become more apparent as Justice League takes more formal shape. His arsenal from his belt cannot match the God-like power that his team mates wield. And Batman will be relegated to a non playing captain role. And that would be sad.

Inspired by Jodie Foster’s blunt thoughts on how super hero movies are ruining viewing experience.

Yeh na thi hamari qismet

Tue, 26 Dec 2017 12:00:00 +0000

ye na thī hamārī qismat ki visāl-e-yār hotā
agar aur jiite rahte yahī intizār hotā

tire va.ade par jiye ham to ye jaan jhuuT jaanā
ki ḳhushī se mar na jaate agar e'tibār hotā

Ghalib says he was never destined to meet with his beloved & his fate would had been to wait had he not died. It can be interpreted as defeatist (it was never destined) or hopeful (he would have continued to wait if not dead). He continues that it is wrong to say that i lived by your promise to meet. He would have died of happiness had he believed in it (on his beloved's promise). Ghalib's swagger, died of waiting for beloved and still a show of defiance!

Happy Birthday Mirza Ghalib!

Jagjit Singh’s rendition of ghazal ‘Ye na thi hamari qismet’